The Day I Activated My Membership for the BEYhive

This piece was originally published December 13, 2018 on Medium.com/@LainaLovestein

There are a lot of fandoms in the world. I don’t subscribe to many, but I can name a few:

Whatever Kanye nerds call themselves

The Mocha Grandes? (Or Ponytails, that’s cute)

The small group of Black folk who love ‘Seinfeld’

The Almighty Beyhive

Beyonce’ has been a part of my memories in music for as long as I can remember. My mother bought me ‘Writings on the Wall’ for Christmas of 99’ and I danced around my room to ‘Bills, Bills, Bills’ like I had a car note waiting to get paid. I sung ‘Say My Name’ as if I knew the actual meaning of the song. And ‘Confessions’ made me raise my brow because it was so drama filled.

‘Dangerously in Love’ was blasted in my home for years, literally years. My mom was the original Beyonce’ stan once she went solo. ‘B’Day’ was played while I was getting ready for my sophomore homecoming. The double album with Sasha & the ballads was played on our road trip to South Carolina for Thanksgiving. And ‘4’, ah ‘4’. There for me when I was in my first true blue relationship. ‘1+1’ made me ugly cry.

So yes, I have always knew the magic of our Creole Wonderwoman. But on this day, in 2013, something appeared on my laptop and I was confused. The site where I used to get my music from posted a link for a Beyonce’ album along with two fan made Chance the Rapper mixtapes. I was obviously skeptical if it was real. I checked Twitter, and the legitimacy was confirmed. I immediately downloaded. Beyonce’ fifth solo album was here and ready to make some noise.

“I don’t at all have any shame about being sexual. And I’m not embarrassed about it and I don’t feel like I have to protect that side of me because I do believe sexuality is a power that we all have.” (Beyonce’, 2013)

The first song I heard was ‘Drunk In Love’ because it was trending. It was so fresh. We didn’t hear songs like this from Beyonce’. It was minimal yet bold, it was a different kind of flow. It was also very, very, sexy. So sext to the point when Jay started talking about slanging Eastwood, I covered my ears. This was married peoples business and we were able to hear it all, front and center.

Songs like ‘Partition’ and ‘Rocket’ showed a different side of her. This was a woman owning herself. Owning her body. With lyrics like “I can’t wait till I get home you can turn that cherry out”, it was apparent she was also a woman owning her own orgasms.

My friend and I discuss as women, specific periods of sexual awakenings. I’m very sure the release of this album contributed to the final levels of mine. Well, hopefully not final. I heard when you turn 30, it gets even better. Now that I think about it, that’s probably what Beyonce’ was experiencing. Being a grown ass woman and taking power in her own hands. I felt empowered singing along to ‘Blow’ and knowing exactly what she was talking about. This was indeed a grown woman album.

“I felt like I don’t want anybody to give the message when my record is coming out. I just want this to come out when it’s ready, and from me to my fans” (Beyonce’, 2013)

If you didn’t know, this self-titled Beyonce album was a complete surprise to us all at the exact same time. I think the only inkling of a hint we got was a story about her shooting a video at Coney Island, which happened to be ‘XO’. But even then, we had no clue an album was coming out.

This was 2013, two years after announcing her pregnancy is true rock star fashion at the VMA’s in 2011. She was being a mom and a wife, taking time for herself. As a fan, I love when my favorite artists sit down and live life. You can’t possibly produce meaningful art without stepping back to experience things from an observational point of view. A workaholic’s vision can be cloudy.

Consumers want things fast and businesses know that. Even in those fast releases, there’s a process companies take. Promo pictures, singles, additional singles if that first single doesn’t pop initially. They film videos, do interviews, the whole 9. But Beyonce’ changed all of that up, single-handedly.

She was innovative with the access she had to her fans and took advantage of it in the smartest way. Everything was instant and could be released at the click of a button. I’m intrigued to know how excited she was to execute this because she was a part of the record company machine for a long time.

She was in the industry for pretty much 15 years at this point and she was going against everything she was trained to do in the record making business. This was truly when she solidified her place as an icon. Which is crazy to think because she was already such a strong force but this album placed her in GOAT status, no question about it.

“When I’m connected to something, I immediately see a visual or a series of images that are tied to a feeling or an emotion. A memory from my childhood, thoughts about life, my dreams, or my fantasies and they’re all connected to the music” (Beyonce’, 2013)

Beyonce’ truly has the most spoiled fan base. She just drops amazing albums out the blue, without any notice. Then to top it off, the nerve to have videos to accompany them.

EVERY.DAMN.SONG.HAD.A.VIDEO.

This wasn’t the first time she’s done something like this but once again, the surprise element of it all. These weren’t normal videos. These were high quality, artistic, well thought out, sexy, message filled videos. They all told a story and you could watch it as a movie.

‘Pretty Hurts’ was the start of the visual album. We see Beyonce’ preparing for a beauty pageant. You see a room full of girls, doing all kinds of primping and prepping for the show. Vaseline on the teeth, spraying leotards to add shine, and my personal favorite, Beyonce’ getting ready to go upside a girls head over a blow dryer.

Throughout the video, you see ‘Miss 3rd Ward’ (ode to her hometown in Houston,TX) go through this process of competing and feeling insecure. In a scene where the girls are getting fitted for gowns, the stylist (portrayed by model Shaun Ross) is measuring her. She has a look of fear on her face, a look that all women know.

‘Pretty Hurts’ (co written by Sia) highlighted something that we all experience as women. She sings “perfection is the disease of a nation” while we watch her portray a woman who doesn’t feel good enough. The video shows her so immersed in the competition of it all to the point where she’s seen both going to a botox specialist as well as a throwing up in a toilet. Eventually, she loses her the competition to another girl (portrayed by model Diandra Forrest) and we see her home, in front of her trophy case, full of accolades. She throws a fit, while the verse plays. She sings:

“When you’re alone all by yourself and you’re laying in your bed. Reflection stares right in to you, are you happy with yourself? It’s just a way to masquerade, the illusion has been shed. Are you happy with yourself? Are you happy with yourself? Yes”.

This was a powerful message and humanized her in a way that I think none of her albums have prior. You hear a song about insecurities and find yourself relating. But to actually see this portrayed, you really see her pain and the performance was A1. It was also telling at the end of the video, to see her as a child accept an award and give a very mature, calculated speech as a thank you. She has been in a performer role for a very long time. It made me sit back and think about all the things she probably had to face growing up in that spotlight.

All the videos accompanying the album were amazing. As stated earlier, they all told a story and you couldn’t help but to be mesmerized by it all. Ya’ll are lucky, you can access all the visuals on Youtube now. When initially released, they were only available via the iTunes market. I gave her my money because I needed to be a part of this immersive experience. They were all so beautiful.

‘No Angel’ was my favorite visual from the album. So Texas, so Trill.

The self-titled album was her war cry. It was her telling everyone that she could do it on her own. This album sparked a feminism wave. At this point, some spaces were scared to use that word but when she included the topic in her song ‘***Flawless’, folks paid attention. After singing “I took some time to live my life, but don’t think I’m just his little wife”, she made it a point to include an excerpt from a speech by authoer, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie:

“We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls, “You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful. Otherwise, you will threaten the man”. Because I am a female, I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support. But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same? We raise girls to see each other as competitors, not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in a way that boys are. Feminist: the person who believes in social, political, and economic equality of the sexes.”

Even though it wasn’t on the album, it was only right for the visual portion to end with ‘Grown Woman’.

We heard the song from a Pepsi commercial she did eight months prior to releasing the album.

“I remember being young, tough, brave. I knew what I needed. I was spending all my night and days laid up daydreaming. Look at me I’m a big girl now, said I’m gon do something. Told the world I would paint this town. Now betcha I run this”, she sang over an ahead of it’s mainstream time afrobeat. She knew what she was doing and she knew what she was capable of.

She inspired all the girls who were fans of hers when we were kids to own our grown woman lives. It was inspiring and at the point, we knew damn well Beyonce’ was the queen and everyone had to respect her.

She released ‘Lemonade’ three years later, while revealing even more of herself to her fans but self-titled set the bar. There would be ‘surprise albums’ without her starting the trend. Only she could do this type of thing and make us all pay attention at the exact same time.

This was, in my opinion, the next wave of her career that took her to an entirely different level than the top tier she was already on. There will NEVER be another Beyonce’. He name and work is in the legendary status like Michael, Whitney, & Prince. She deserves everything that comes to her. Middle finger to the Grammy’s for not giving her that Album of the Year too. We know damn well her album was better than Beck’s.