The Laughs Mom Gave Me

It is that time again. The time of the year I get a little sad because I’m not in the same state as my mom anymore.

I violated an only child cardinal sin: I left home.

And I was from a semi small city, double whammy.

But the beauty of a supporting vs smothering parent, I never felt guilt from my mom. She always told me to believe in more, a principle that drives me.

So for me to not be sad, I think of fun things my mom and I did together when I was a kid. The formative years and adolescence are crucial in how your life goes. Values, habits, ideals, and personality. All of those things are learned, instilled, and they stick.

Something that stuck to me from my mom, an enjoyment for humor.

I watched Comedy Central for the first time with my mom. I watched cartoons like ‘The Critic’ with her. Movies like ‘Tommy Boy’, maybe some inappropriate 80s film which was fine because it was censored cable, and a random stand up special intrigued me.

I saw comedians command stages and I was even more enamored. And my mom watched them all.

Chris Rock, Bernie Mac, Chris Tucker.

She had VHS tapes of Def Comedy Jam I’m sure she didn’t want me see, but I did. It was so rowdy, loud, Black, and funny as hell.

There were jokes about church, family, relationships, current events.

The commentary wrapped up in comedy is a snapshot of current day, it’s a time capsule. Comedy taught me about the LA Riots, OJ, and Regan. It was a history lesson. If she didn’t know, I was being informed in so many different scopes.

It wasn’t just the culturally specific things ala’, just Black.

Mom loved the SNL crew of Sandler, Spade, and Farley.

We can quote ‘Billy Madison’ top to bottom, I’m sure.

Jim Carey was our fav. She tapped out when he got into the serious roles. I however, love ‘The Truman Show’ to this day with a special part of my soul. It was funny and chaotic, and telling the future.

‘Life Stinks’ was a film we loved. It was classic Mel Brooks, with a message of economic equality that probably went over my head but I’m sure I noticed.

And even though it wasn’t a comedy, her showing me ‘What Ever Happened to Baby Jane’ damn sure made me laugh. It was so twisted! Honorable mention as well, she introduced me to Hitchcock. This is why I understood Jordan Peele from the gate.

Man, this is fun. What next?

The TV! The 90s were the golden age. ‘Martin’, in real time, we watched that. ‘The Jamie Foxx Show’ & ‘The Wayans Bros’ were special because those are two shows that taught me about writing and just doing whatever with ideas. Silliness was a brand of humor I enjoyed, and they were that. ‘In Living Color’ reruns were fun. I was amazed seeing all these people I knew of, at the start of their careers.

She showed me the things I missed because I was too young. The sitcoms like ‘Good Times’ and ‘The Jefferson’s’, me noticing who Norman Lear was. Archie Bunker making me mad but laughing the entire time.

She even encouraged my own performing.

I easily could’ve been a TikTok star at 14 with my impressions.

I had a karaoke machine and would dress up as people and do full performances for my mom. Song and dance numbers abundant, her cheering me on and laughing, holding her chest.

The foundation was laid and I’m glad my mother taught me to never take myself too seriously. She gave me a movie palette of ‘Pootie Tang’ and ‘Forrest Gump’, to the comedy of Pryor & Katt Williams.

So with all of these laughs in the household, of course I would have the crazy idea of trying stand up comedy.

It was written in the stars.

So, along with a Tiffany box she’ll open Sunday, this is my moms Mother’s Day Gift.

Ma, thanks for all the laughs, lessons, and love.

"This MY House": Why I Started My Own Writing Space

It’s been a year since I’ve started my own site to house my writing. I was riding the Metro, on my way to work and started drafting ideas in my phone. I go through moments where my dreams get lofty in my head and I have a burst of creative energy. I feel the need to write and organize my thoughts and ideas. I had lists of things that the site was supposed to be. I guess I was going back and forth, trying to figure out if I wanted to pay for a site or continue to use Medium.

I made about $30 from Medium in 2018, which showed me if I worked really hard at it, I can be compensated for my work. But, that was when I had time to be on the computer for about 5hrs out the day during down time at work. Now, I work an immersive full-time position, barely having time to even figure out what’s trending for the day to write a timely story. Algorithms are a thing and time, placement, and relevancy are factors in wide viewership to monetize. That’s too much work for me these days, so I wanted to opt for a space where I could publish my work but create it at a pace for myself. No trending topics, no gossip, no flash stories, I wanted to feel what I was writing.

If I was going to start something I was putting my money into, it would have to mean something.

In the homepage, I talked about the things I loved reading about growing up. I was a big fan of content that highlighted the culture of my time and those snapshots meant a lot to me. Now we have those snapshots in the form of social media and for me, that’s hard to get around. I used to be able to keep up with light gossip about my favorite celebs, and even throw a comment or two in the box on Necole Bitchie. But now, there’s an abundance of social media accounts guised as spaces that highlight the culture. Under it all, it’s just problematic spaces that reinforce the stereotypes we’re trying to get rid of in this post Obama, current Kamala America.

Public social media and me expressing my opinions, and takes weren’t a good combo. I try to limit my usage to commenting on things I specifically care about or convos, if I feel I something valid to contribute. This was my “dodge the trolls” formula but it often backfires, leaving me confused looking at my phone trying to understand why a stranger is yelling at me in all caps.

But having my own website, where it’s just me, love it. Nobody else actively judging while reading and readying their fingers to attack. If you’re reading this, you’re here because you chose to be. And I appreciate it every time. I love that readers can access this at their free will and actually want to read the things I talk about. My snapshots are from my perspective but ultimately, there’s a deep appreciation for whatever Black culture means to all of us, and I’m driven to capture it. I just want to make quality work about the quality that my culture provides to me, particularly through the arts.

I consider the commentary section a portfolio of some sorts and it makes me happy to see the things that I’ve talked about thus far. I’m free to talk about what I choose to and that’s empowering. I hear a lot about censorship with writers and how they must watch what they say, working for certain conglomerates. I always wanted to have a sense of ownership when it came to the things that I create, and my writing would be no exception. I also love that I can do everything in my own time. My favorite line of Frank Ocean’s is “I ain’t on no schedule”, referring to why he releases things on his own time and not at the traditional industry demands. That echo’s in my head when I’ve missed a deadline, or a time to finish a piece. I can contribute whenever I want, THIS MY HOUSE!

I wanted to explore both pros and cons while writing this piece because I never want to express that I think this has been an easy feat. It hasn’t. There was a time when I completely wiped this site from the public. I got so frustrated because I was comparing myself to what I saw on my screens. I had to reinforce what helps me center myself, “What’s for me is for me”.

Comparison is truly the thief of joy because I lost the true sight of what I wanted this space to be. A creative space for me and creativity, nothing else. No, I don’t sell bundles but I can weave together words to tell stories, and that’s a skill I feel is worth sharing. I must tell myself my skill Is valid, and that is tough! But believing in yourself is the most important thing of all and I’m making strides.  

I’m happy to have had this space for a whole year and looking forward to more to come. #CreativeBlackGirlEnergy is something I believe in and I know there’s a lot more women out there like me with skills and talents that deserve to be shared with the world. I hope that in this next year, I’ll be able to highlight the special Creative Black Girls I know personally.

Thank you for reading, thank you for supporting, and thank you for sharing!

Peace,

Self-Deprecating = Love...for me.

A person in my formative years taught me a lesson at 14: ‘Words create worlds”.

What does that mean to you? To me, it represented something I carried with me throughout life. Phrases like “speak life” and “choose your words wisely” are things I live by.

But, there’s always a flip side.

We all have quirks, things most won’t understand but we find comfort in.

self deprecating. adj:

modest about or critical of oneself, especially humorously so

We live in a time where the idea of being perfect is just there, constantly. All the friends at all the parties with filters make us forget how our faces look. We think edges are supposed to be laid at all times. Lashes on point and poppin for the world to see. Pulled together, perfect, all the time.

I can’t.

I choose to joke about myself and my shortcomings to feel better about myself. A coping mechanism to beat others to the punch developed as an adolescent.

As an adult, it humbles you.

But why would I highlight my own issues, self perceived flaws, and things I don’t like about myself if words create worlds? Why not use language to empower myself and lift me up?

I don’t know dawg.

I find myself understanding the concept of honesty gets your further than avoiding. And you can’t avoid yourself, might as well be honest.

I find joy in being real. I have days when I look crazy in my front camera. I trip over my own feet walking to the train. I fear talking to strangers at the expense of me showing my personality v. my representative. It’s one of a very quiet, reserved person with a big personality. The contrast is…interesting. Most of the time I rather just be quiet.

Thus, me writing is the perfect outlet.

It’s truly humbling when you’re able to snap back to reality and take yourself not so seriously. I find love in myself by having joy discussing the things that I want to work on and be better. Deprecation and self love for me are intertwined because I laugh, evaluate, and work on myself all at the same time. A comedy show, a horror story, and a therapy story all in one. A fun time.

As always, thank you for reading.

Peace,

Laina

Strategy, also, Thanks Hov (2 of 2)

“Let go your ego over your right shoulder”

I fumbled this week.

Here I was, thinking I was in this sweet spot. One that was dab, clear in the middle, realized, and solid.

The universe kindly told me, ”Nah”

There’s an idea in my mind where I think I should be. Places where I assume that I’ll fit, that I’ll adjust, that I’ll stretch and grow into. Life isn’t one size fits all, it’s custom made.

“Nobody built like you, you designed yourself”

The full point of self realization is when one learns to live, learn, and love in their flow. I’m trying to master that. A big obstacle this last quarter of the year is to not stress over things I can’t control. I find it funny I find myself losing grip on things I can control, because I’m distracted and chasing the things that don’t concern me.

“They eyes hide. My eyes wide shut to all the lies”

Why are we like this? Why do we worry about things that don’t bring us joy, passion, zest, and peace? Why is there this programming to just make things harder on ourselves?

Life ain’t gotta be that hard.

So what do I have to do to find this level of balance? And why is balance the goal? Why can’t I just handle everything on my terms?

I control how I approach, deal with, and handle things. I am in control. Autonomy is how I master myself, my thoughts, my vision.

Balance isn’t the goal, strategy is.

How I approach things determine the outcome. Thoughts and planning prior to action.

I planned to write this, versus sitting in my apartment and sulking over the fact that I have to complete a second installment to this talk piece.

I thought about how I’ll tackle this late assignment to a class this weekend because I don’t wanna just sit down, get more frustrated and give up.

There are steps to fully living, thriving, and working in your individual flow.

Everyday, I feel myself trying to stretch further. Attempting to forgo this idea that balance is the thing I’m aiming for. It’s not.

“See how the universe works? It takes my hurt and help me find more of myself. The gift and the curse. That’s called the Red Queens Race. You run this hard just to stay in place? Keep up the pace, baby”

I want to foster a mindset where me being in control is all I need. Keeping at the center my goals for me, the hopes for my husband and future children, and the principles that I stand on.

So to you, reader, 1) I appreciate if you read this and 2) I hope you find ways to implement your own strategy to get to where you want to be. You’re in control, you got this.

“This is God engineering”

Peace and love,

Laina.

TwentyOneTwentyOne (I Almost Wrote Something....)

In the spirit of being better for oneself and everything else our shea butter sisters tell us on the socials, I’m going to do some releasing. I’m going to be open, honest, and willing to share my truth.

I’m bringing myself to the table.

I’m lying, there’s no table. But there is some honesty. So here’s what happened:

I’ve recently been testing out a theory I heard Jay Z speak about in 2013. He was doing some rich man activity in preparation for his birthday. Honestly, going vegan is not a birthday present. If I go vegan on my birthday, please, let me have one more day with a steak.

Jokes aside, it was great to read about a Black man taking his health into his own hands. In preparation to adapt to the change, he talked about forming habits. Creating a routine.

Routines intrigue me. I hate that routine things are a personality trait of a serial killer. Routines are beneficial and can teach you discipline.

This is what Jay spoke about. He said it takes 21 days for something to become a habit. In his case, he was talking about eating in the vegan lifestyle.

I’ve recently been forming sets of habits of my own to reach different goals I have for myself. Productivity is something that I’ve been trying to tackle this year. Like most, the quarantined months did a number on me and to hit the pause button for that long, I was not a fan.

I’ve recently started different things to wake my brain up, make me think, and also set expectations for myself. Be it involving projects at work, academic endeavors, or even trying a new hair product.

I’m on my 39th day of productivity and I’m enjoying it.

I find myself a little more motivated to get up and start my days because I have things to do. When I’m at work, I notice that my pacing is different. Evenings take the most discipline. I decompress, catch up with my husband, eat dinner and then prepare to study. On a good night, I can be up until about 2am.

It’s purpose that gets me to moving better. I’m also noticing that it’s not to the point where I’m exhausted, which is very new for me.

Jay didn’t create this theory of course, it’s been around a while. The piece this was originally supposed to bring up some arguments against the 21 theory. I researched and prepared to come back with my findings. But studying for economics trumped the side project for these past few weeks. The good news is I passed the class, thus even more reason to show the discipline is not in vain.

Reader, I challenge you to pick up something positive for the next 21 days. Find discipline within yourself to take you to new areas of your life.

And I mean honestly, this has worked wonders for me because I’ve posted two things within a month on my stale website. Jesus Devante Christ, it’s a miracle.

12PM in NoHo.

I’ll preface by saying I didn’t want this to be a blog. I didn’t want to get on Al Gore’s internet and type away about my life, ideas, thoughts, and opinions. Seriously, I’m not that interesting.

I don’t have a niche. I don’t have a compelling life story to share to inspire the masses. I don’t make candles. I don’t make music. I don’t workout. I don’t do my hair on camera. I’m not that interesting.

I find myself in a tizzy every month Squarespace takes my money out of my account. I always shake my head and say “Damnit, that could’ve been taco money!”

Honestly, I felt that I had nothing to offer for a platform. I felt that my thoughts about the Rap Radar Christmas interview with Drake was nothing that folk wanted to read about. I didn’t think that anybody would care about me nerding out about 10 years of ‘Community’ and how I went on a solo mission to their reunion at the Vulture Festival. I hate Hollywood/Highland sober, but damnit I took that noisy ass trip to see my Greendale folks.

See the tangent I just went on? Nobody wants to read that!

*insert eye roll emoji*

But something happened this weekend, and it’s kinda hard to put into words. But if I could try, I’d say being almost 30 whoopin my ass right now.

I’ve really be over here contemplating what would my legacy be if I dropped dead tomorrow.

Morbid but yeah, blame it Big Rona.

SO! What’s a girl to do when she’s having an early midlife crisis, disgruntled about not writing about what she loves?

SHE WRITES!

The piece was titled 12AM because it was that time when I started this. I just finished eating a salad, and I’m sitting in my robe and durag. It was now 1AM.

This is me taking steps to more discipline and freedom in my craft. I could be sleep or studying right now but I took time to do this.

Lovestein Talks will be the place where I house (tiny parts of) my life, (dim) ideas, (wild?) thoughts, & (non problematic, I promise) opinions. The commentary will still reflect random things that interest me but this…..we gon see where this goes.

Signing off. Gotta study now.

If you read this, thanks.

If not, it’s cool. I’m not that interesting anyway.